Ask Tia Juana

Dear Tia,

I am wondering if I am the only one who wants to throat punch people who smack their gum?  I am reminded of a statement by one of my teachers, who also had a problem with overly-energetic chewing.  He used to say that the only difference between a cow chewing its cud and someone chewing gum, was the intelligent look on the cow’s face!

Chew Bacca

Dear Chewy,

I feel your pain, but doing hard time is not worth the assault charge, regardless of whether it’s warranted, such as in exuberant chewing, popping and smacking.  Besides sneaking behind the offender and performing a robust Heimlich maneuver, the only tactful way to discourage a chronic smacker is to point out another smacker and comment on how disgusting it is.  If the smacker has even half a brain, he/she should take the comment to heart and realize that his/her behavior is totally annoying.  Maybe he/she will think twice before popping the next piece of Wrigley’s spearmint gum, but don’t hold your breath!

     Tia Juana will cheerfully provide advice for anyone that asks.  Just mail your questions to “Ask Tia Juana” at PO Box 8, Van Horn, Texas 79855.  All questions will remain anonymous unless there is a chance for extortion.  Disclaimer:  Tia Juana is not a licensed counselor or therapist and none of the advice should be considered professional.