Tia Juana will cheerfully provide advice for anyone that asks. Just mail your questions to “Ask Tia Juana” at PO Box 8, Van Horn, Texas 79855. All questions will remain anonymous unless there is a chance for extortion. Disclaimer: Tia Juana is not a licensed counselor or therapist and none of the advice should be considered professional.
I have been married for two years, and you might say, the “bloom has fallen off the rose.” What seemed so romantic at first, the attention, the spoiling, the constant calling, is now getting on my last nerve. The last straw happened last week. My spouse was sent out of town on a two-week assignment and I was so looking forward to some “me” time, because I was feeling suffocated by the constant attention. I was at work, when one of my co-workers came in to give me a phone message from my spouse. She could barely stop laughing enough to give me the message…”don’t forget to shake the salad dressing before pouring it on your salad.”
Of course, I was humiliated because it made me seem like I was a complete moron, plus having to endure hours of teasing from my colleagues. Then to make matters worse, the two-week break turned into a two-day break, so just when I was enjoying myself, my albatross was back. What can I do to let my spouse know how I feel without hurting his feelings? I have to do something before I lose my mind!
Your spouse sounds like a lot of women’s’ idea of a perfect partner; attentive, thoughtful, loving; insecure, needy, overwhelming; Obviously, he thinks that the way to your heart is to dote over you to the point that it is over the top. He does not get the concept or believe that you would enjoy a little time by yourself without his presence. I suggest that you watch the movie, “Eat, Pray, Love,” and point out the classic line, “Why don’t you want to give me the chance to miss you?” Then take it from there. You can explain how you need time to yourself, and don’t need anyone hovering over you and smothering you—that this type of behavior is having the opposite effect from what he’s trying to achieve and it is driving you away. Hopefully, that will open the lines of conversation with him. Good luck.